scaly Sue.
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« on: Tuesday August 31, 2004, 09:56:27 PM » |
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the MOnsignor how he had done.
The MOnsignor replied "When I worry about getting nervous in the pulpit,I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water.If I start to get nervous I take a sip"
So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to preach up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after Mass, he found the following note on the door.
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples , not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his Donkey,he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father ,Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Daddy ,Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out
of him.
9. Whe David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said."Take
this and eat it for it is my body" He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry"
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-a-Dub
-Dub thanks for the grub. Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peters, not a
Peter pulling contest at St Taffy's.
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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GuzziHeroV50
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« Reply #1 on: Tuesday August 31, 2004, 10:08:23 PM » |
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 Now thats a sermon I might bother going to church for! |
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boogiedougie
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« Reply #2 on: Tuesday August 31, 2004, 11:22:15 PM » |
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"dont sweat the small stuff"
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merciememommie
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« Reply #3 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 03:05:54 AM » |
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turquoise skies
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hey welcome chucky, my new cat and my only friend...heehee
Skin Condition: skin problems are nothing, as long as I am alive I am happy.
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« Reply #4 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 03:43:50 AM » |
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To some people the sky is blue, to me its turquoise!
to be alive and have to experience feeling pain and suffering, or to be dead and not have the ability to feel at all????which is better????this makes me sad
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Bev
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What will be will be!
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« Reply #5 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 06:49:02 AM » |
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Love and Cuddles Bev  |
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scaly Sue.
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« Reply #6 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 07:04:40 AM » |
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what does pml mean .?? Glad it made you laugh Dougie |
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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puppydogeyes
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« Reply #7 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 07:49:17 AM » |
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what does pml mean .?? Glad it made you laugh Dougie pml means: (clean version   )...pee myself laughing |
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puppydogeyes
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« Reply #8 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 07:51:16 AM » |
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14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peters, not a
Peter pulling contest at St Taffy's. This made me chuckle considering i met Pete in Wales!!! So does that mean i pulled Pete in St Taffy's!!  |
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Celery Peach
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« Reply #9 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 10:04:50 AM » |
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Ami
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« Reply #10 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 01:03:11 PM » |
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sue |
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Fortuna
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The Mad Court Jester
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« Reply #11 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 03:38:43 PM » |
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"Try anything once, come hot, come cold. If we're not foolish young, we're foolish old."
Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer
"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." - Gaius Julius Caesar
Luceo Non Uro "I shine not burn
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elaineG
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« Reply #12 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 03:41:31 PM » |
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If I had a monster, I tell you what I'd do, I'd starve him for a week, then I'd set him on you!
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Timothy41
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I think I need a new pic..or a little color
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« Reply #13 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 08:31:01 PM » |
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Good one sue
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wlginri
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« Reply #14 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 08:46:25 PM » |
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scaly Sue.
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« Reply #15 on: Wednesday September 01, 2004, 08:48:42 PM » |
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I am glad it has made us all smile .......Thanks for the translate Rosie......and yer musta pulled pete somewhere.? lol
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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