Author Topic: Puns for Educated Minds - and others!  (Read 7404 times)

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Offline andyb

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Puns for Educated Minds - and others!
« on: Sunday April 22, 2012, 01:01:28 AM »
Was emailed these by a friend recently - they brought on a smile so I thought I would share.
some of them are quite clever - others are just corny - anyway Enjoy!

and please reply with which one(s) made you smile and which one for you has groan factor 10!

Andyb

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
 
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
 
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
 
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
 
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
 
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
 
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
 
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
 
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .
 
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
 
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
 
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
 
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Offline Bamawing

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Re: Puns for Educated Minds - and others!
« Reply #1 on: Monday April 23, 2012, 04:23:56 AM »
I LOVE puns! 26 was my favorite because I had to think about it.

25 reminded me of the Buddhist hot dog vendor who once made me one with everything.


I'm more confused than a mood ring on a paranoid bipolar schizophrenic chameleon in a bag of skittles!

Offline andyb

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Re: Puns for Educated Minds - and others!
« Reply #2 on: Saturday April 28, 2012, 09:46:03 PM »
Heh hee -

and there was also the employee dismissed for smoking marjuana in the rest room - a case of grass misconduct
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Offline M@t

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Re: Puns for Educated Minds - and others!
« Reply #3 on: Sunday April 29, 2012, 06:44:13 PM »
Number 23 had a hint of a South Yorkshire accent in it... :D
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap
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Offline Funny_Mod

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Re: Puns for Educated Minds - and others!
« Reply #4 on: Friday May 18, 2012, 07:52:19 AM »
re No 3

She was only a fishmonger's daughter but she certainly knew her plaice
I live in my own little world. But it's OK, they  know me here...