Author Topic: "He asks why."  (Read 2174 times)

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Offline Avital

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"He asks why."
« on: Monday September 15, 2008, 02:59:33 PM »
A piece I'd written when a close friend asked me why I'm so self-conscious about intimacy. This was written a while ago, was posted in my HS journal and there were various back-and-forth responses.
Just felt like I had to put this here.

You ask me why I find this part so difficult.
What you don't realize is that the answers are right in front of you.

When you say things like that, you're absolutely proving my theory.
No one wants to see this, not you, not I, not any fictional compassionate lover I pull out of my wildest fantasies.
No one but a doctor seeking medical curiosity.

In the past year I've lost the confidentiality of my body. I've become no stranger to grabby hands shoving their way. People prod and poke, eager to get a look at the bizarre freakishness that's been bestowed upon me. No decisions, no refusals. Of course they can't help you, but you want to believe they can. You want to get better, don't you? So open up. Strip.

No one wants to show this off, and few are the people who agree to be mummified. I know I certainly don't.
It's giving in to the monster again. It's letting it run my life.
You wouldn't wish to spend your lovemaking sessions wrapped in bandages, correct?
Neither do I.

It's degrading. A further push towards the title of "invalid". That's what I am, isn't it? An invalid. Why keep running?
It'll always catch up with you.
Hidradenitis Suppurativa Expialidocious :)

"I don't like surgery. I don't like elective surgery, I don't like surgery that you have to have."
- Sandra Bernhard

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Offline CazAngel

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Re: "He asks why."
« Reply #1 on: Tuesday September 16, 2008, 10:59:21 PM »
Wow.. You have put into words what I imagine so many with our condition feel. I have expressed some of that, but not near as well as you have. It seems you have a good outlet with your journaling. Though, I wish none of us had this disease, it is very demoralizing and so much more. Keep writing, and if you ever need to talk about it, give me a yell.  :) :hugs:
With care,
Caz (Carolyn)
xx :hugs:

"Nonviolence is not a garment to be put on and off at will.
Its seat is in the heart, and it must be an inseparable part of our being." - Gandhi

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