Anyone familiar with antidepressants?

[Bamawing]

I'm just clawing my way up from a depression... again... :p I like to think of it as an old football injury to the brain. Instead of a trick knee that acts up, I get a mood and energy drop. I'm not sure I wouldn't rather have the trick knee. But the grass is always greener...

Anyway, I'm on new meds now, and they seemed to help a lot. But I'm concerned... my mood is OK, my sleep patterns are OK, I'm not down on myself or napping. But I am noticing a few other symptoms cropping up. Nothing serious... if I didn't have this old injury I wouldn't be worried. BUT...

I'm having some interest loss in things I've always found enjoyable. Like Halloween. Every year before this, I've been excidedly getting a costume together, and oftentimes going bananas decorating. (I used to give my front porch a costume of it's own... it's been a "Spooky Forest," a shipwreck, and a magical faery glade. I was going to turn it into an apocothary this year, but I just couldn't seem to find the oomph. Ditto with the costume. I dressed up for Mona's Octoberfest party, but I'm just not feeling excited about getting dressed up this year. Every year prior to this, I've had at *least* two costumes. (One for the day and one for the night, of course.)

I just totally realized that I didn't update my webcomic. Just... haven't. I've got it drawn and inked, but can't seem to find the motivation to scan it in. (If you're reading this, Twiga, I'm sorry!!)

You know, the more I type the more I think I need to call my specialist. Last night I slept for... let's see... asleep at 10:30, didn't get up until nearly 8... that's what, 9 and a half hours? And while I've been a good girl - I'm exercising a bit - - but I'm not active enough to justify that kind of sleep.

OK, one just hit me. I'm calling my doctor.

You see, right before I typed that, I had the thought that I didn't want to call him. I don't want my meds increased (which is what I suspect he'll do - he says that Prozac has a very wide range of dosage, and I'm on the low side at the moment). It hit me that I don't want to be dependant on these meds - there's something wrong with me - and if I just "try harder" then my brain chemestry will be miraculously healed. I never have bull<bleep> thoughts like that unless there's a problem. When I'm healthy, I accept my dependence on these drugs in the same way healthy diabetics accept the fact that they need insulin. It's really the same thing, if you think about it. Part of my body doesn't work, and I'm really fortunate to live in a time where they have medication that will take up the slack. And I'm double lucky, becuase I don't have to carry needles around and give myself a shot before I eat anything.

I didn't completly believe those last two sentences. Which is why I know I need to make that call. *sigh* I don't want to, though... I don't want to admit this "weakness." And at the same time, some small sane part of me sees the irony in this. 

OK, so I'll call. But I'll at least let Dan know about it first. I'll tell him when I bring him his lunch. And I'm posting this, although the decision has been made, to give myself some extra motivation. I.e. if I don't call the doctor, I know that TF, Itchy, Woo, Matty and probably Guzz will pester me until I do!

[Bamawing]

Appointment two weeks from today. He'll probably up my meds.

[itchychick]

I'm not very familiar with these meds, Bama, but I do recall hearing that antidepressants can have a generally "numbing effect" on mood.  In other words, not only will they ease depression but you won't get as intensely "high" good moods either.  Perhaps this is why you're not feeling excited about things?

I think it's a good idea to see your doc.  Even if he does't increase your dose, he might be able to explain your symptoms.

[LIGA girl]

When I was on them I found the same, Bama, they tend to "flatten things out" you dont go up or down as much. I was on several ones before they found the right one for me, it might be that rather than an increase that he will suggest. I know what you mean about not wanting to be dependent on them, I was the same, I didnt have the same energy levels or ability to concentrate while I was on them. In fact when I had to write a sustained difficult report for work I would decrease the dose for a few days till I got it done, otherwise it was impossible. Then after that it would take me a week back on the meds to get back on an even keel.  Hope it gets better for you soon

[totalfolly]

I'm glad you made an appointment, Bama. 

totalfolly

[Bamawing]

I'm glad you made an appointment, Bama. 

So am I, although I can't claim the courage. I just remembered that I had an appointment made *sometime* and decided to check the calendar before calling the doc. And I couldn't mention this to Dan when I brought him his lunch, either... But I was able to tell him last night.

Tell y'all what, though, it's enough to convince me that this is the right doctor to see. He managed to anticipate that I might need this appointment at this time, and schedule it a month or so in advance. I don't think that I could get in any earlier if I did call him. It's also a bit comforting to know that apparently what I'm going through is predictable enough to justify the idea that I'm not alone in this.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling... restless. Y'all may be right and this may be a side effect, or I may need a differnet dosage or another pill (this is the 3rd antidepressant I've been on... apparently my brain is finicky. . Either way, I'm really glad I'll be going back in.

Thanks for listening to me, y'all.

[LIGA girl]

I'm glad you are going back too Bama, I'm sure that restless feeling is awful 

[Bamawing]

It's uncomfortable. But being restless is a darn sight better than sad or hopeless. Overall, I'm gonna be ok. *brave little smile*

[totalfolly]

Overall, I'm gonna be ok. *brave little smile*

There's our girl! 

Yes, you'll be okay because you're doing what you need to to help make that happen.

totalfolly

[Uncle Matt]

Overall, I'm gonna be ok. *brave little smile*

I'm glad. You have me worried at times.

Matt

[mnm mom]

Dear Bamawing,
All I can offer is a Hug And good luck finding the right meds.
mnm mom

[Bamawing]

Thanks, everyone.

Today I got back from a substitute teacher's orientation completely exhausted. You know that odd feeling you get when you're falling asleep... like you're floating, sort of? I had that all through the session and I lay the heck down when I got home.

BUT...

I didn't fall asleep. So I'm noticing some vague symptoms that probably mean I need to be monitored, but I don't think this means that the prozac's "pooped out." Still, with this physical symptom of no energy, I thought it would be OK to call. So I just got off the phone with the doctor's, and they can squeeze me in tomarrow.

Depression is a <bleep> because it's so invisible. There's something wrong, and yet you can't point to where it hurts. Or even have a positive show up on a blood test. In this way, I suspect phychiatrists are a lot like veternairians, since they both have patients whose primary symptom is "NDR." (Not Doing Right. )

Meanwhile, Dan and I are discussing what in my life makes me happy, and how I can go out and achieve that. Dan's great for this sort of thing because he's so logical, and he can see me in a more detached manner than I can see myself. He's admitedly not as detached as a professional, but he does have the advantage of seeing me everyday and knowing how I'm doing on a regular basis... even if I'm trying to decieve myself.

So far, I think one of the vital areas of life for me is a warm and accepting community. It doesn't have to be a large one, but it does have to be there. (I think this is why I've been popping on here so gosh-darn much. *blushie*) I've been known to be happy doing eveything from academic study to hanging insulation, and I think it's based more on who I'm with than what I'm doing.

This is probably not good, because if it's true it means I'll never be completely happy in isolation. I don't like the idea of depending on other people for happiness. But hey. If that's the way I'm wired, I suppose I can live with it. Now to find a warm workplace that likes me for who I am!

(Wow, you read all that?? Thanks!!)

[itchychick]

Wow, Bama, I'm really glad you've got Dan... (despite some of the things that drive you nuts, it seems that he has the ability to help you with this issue, and that's wonderful).

I have to admit, I'm particularly interested in how things are progressing for you, because depression is something that I have no familiarity with.  However, our older son shows some signs of it (he's almost 10).... some of the academic assessments that he underwent showed a predisposition towards depression.  His dad and I are usually able to make him feel better about things, but I suspect that this is something he might struggle with throughout his life. 

I think your assessment of this is right on... some people need certain types of medicine and intervention to keep them healthy, and this is no different than any other illness.  Hang in there, you're doing great!

[Bamawing]

Wow, Bama, I'm really glad you've got Dan... (despite some of the things that drive you nuts, it seems that he has the ability to help you with this issue, and that's wonderful).

Mama once told me that Dan was lucky to have me, because few women woudl put up with his crap. And then she added, in a thoughtful voice, "But then again, Mandy, most men couldn't put up with you, either." We really are as good as it gets for each other, although I know we drive each other half the time!

[itchychick]

I think your Mama's right on the money.

[Bamawing]

I'm back from the doctor!

I wasn't able to explain exactly what was wrong... I should have printed this out to show him. Will do next time. I did manage to get across that the biggest problems I'm having now are energy and motivation... a lack of both. But I'm still fine with enthusiam, oddly enough. I'm so excited about me and Dan hiking! Dan's even taught me how to pee in the woods.

My doctor agreed that this was a gray area, and cautioned me against over-analyzing every bad mood, every headache, every energy drop. On the other hand, I am showing a decreased interest in things I once loved (Halloween, specifically) and so to be on the safe side, he gave me a second pill to suppliment. This one's Welbutrin (I know I didn't spell that right) and I'm to take it with my Prozac. So now that's 4 pills every morning, and if you shake me, I'll probably rattle! But if I can get my "me" back, it'll be well worth it.

Itchy, here's a number you may want to copy down and put on your fridge: 1-800-668-6868 That's a Canadian hotline for kids who are having problems. Might be useful if he needs to talk and you can't be there for some reason. There's also an element of "I'm grown up enough to call this number by myself if I need to talk" that helps a lot of kids.

Why do I happen to have a Canadian kids' hotline phone number? Long story.

[Bamawing]

Update: it's been a while, and I want to say that the 2-pill cocktail is working out beautifully. I just feel... right, somehow. My energy's back, and suddenly doing the dishes doesn't seem like such a daunting task.

Interestingly, I'm not sleeping at night. My dadgum nose is so clogged as to make snoozing difficult. What's funny and interesting about that? I think it may well be normal for me! Seriously, I inhereted Daddy's sinuses, and they've always been a pain. Ear nose and throat problems since infancy, really. I suspect that my sleeping through the night in the past several months has been due to an imbalance in my brain chemicals. My sinuses aren't any better, but I sleep through it anyway. But I can't freaking breathe while I sleep, so the sleep isn't restful, which contributes to my dozy and dazed feelings.

I'm excited I figured that out!

Most importantly, I think I've got my "me" back. Now all I have to do is get my email account back up, and I'll be set... (http://www.skincell.org/community/index.php/topic,23119.0.html)

[totalfolly]

Glad to hear you're feeling more like yourself, Bama! 

totalfolly

[LIGA girl]

Bama, I had trouble sleeping when I first went on antidepressants too, many of them do that, and it is something that goes away when you have been on them for longer. Glad you are feeling better and I hope you can find a workplace where you feel accepted too.

[Bamawing]

Decided to update again. I'm treating this as almost a journal, but dangitall, it's wonderful to have all the info in the same place! I can see how far I've come... my first post to this thread made me want to go back in time and hold my hand.

I'm sleeping better now, more or less. I still wake up at night but I don't feel awful the next day. I also get back to sleep relatively quickly... wearing my towel-mask helps with that.

I have the ringing in my ears side effect, but it isn't a huge pain. I pretend it's my angels singing to me, and the song goes "you're mentally healthy, and you'll never be alone." The worst part of ear-ringing is Daddy has it, and he doesn't sing anymore. So I'm just determined to keep singing.

The only bad side effect is the nausia. At least I expect that's what's causing the nausia... I've been downright woozy for the past several days. It's very interesting because it's similar to my bout of "maragrita flu." Moving my head makes my tummy hurt. Laying down helps a lot. I've been fine a few times and given my head a vigourous shake, and promptly nearly yammied. Physical activity is problamatic, too... today I felt horrable while trying to grocery shop.

I did a bit of online research, and determined that nausia is indeed a side effect of Wellbutrin. Wikipedia says that ginger will help with nausia, as an old folk remedy. I knew that you give someone ginger ale when they're sick, and it stays down better than water. But I thought that was the carbonation. Learn something new every day.

So at the moment I'm drinking a concoction of milk and ginger powder. It's... well, not my favorite drink in the world but it's OK. Milk with a kick. If it helps I'll start determining how much of whatall to use and develop a real recipie. I shall call it... Bama's Magical Tummy Stuff. (The name needs work.)
 
***(about an hour later)***

Well, it worked fine... until I started working on the chicken pot pie. The smell of the condensed soup did it to me... :barf: :not really, but it feels like it: