Skin Poem [Original Works]

[Gobe]

This poem is under reconstruction!

Fishs poem


Chilly water flows in the stream below

as I lean against an old dead tree

and reflect alone

the forest of spring now breaths

as silence measures time with nature

[Celery Peach]

  Its Brian Eno again Gobe, from an album he made with John Cale called 'wrong way up' .

[Gobe]

Thanks Celery!

[Fishs]

 

Celery ..

I love the lyrics in Julie . Excellent .. Good writer Eno  ..  Good

E Ian .

Thanks .. It is nice to know people loke the poems

Gobe ..

Sorry .. Last line missing on zee reconstruction . Or are you still working on it ?

Ok I will do one for you all and post later ..

Fish

[Gobe]

Fish

I have really struggled to add to your poem and that's why I ended up reconstructing it.  I really tried but kept hitting a brick wall or a dead end!  I finally understood the problem...

When I write a poem I usually 'know' at some level what emotion or fleeting sensation I want to express.  I really tried but but felt that there was a personal element somehow missing or not yet introduced.  Finally in frustration and with an A4 pad I started rearranging the lines until I found something that could stand alone as a verse or be added to a a later date.
I felt the reconstruction was more fluid and somehow flowed more and I deliberately omitted the repetition of the last "and reflect alone" line because I felt it was not necessary.  Personally I would go on and introduce another verse at this point...

It was an interesting and frustrating experience I can tell you!  Not easy to try this at all.  I have also never attempted to do this before either.

I was thinking maybe an easier way would be to try it one line at a time and see what develops - that might give more freedon.

One of us could put down a line and then the other adds to it and so on.

I also want to add here that I'm really not sure how I actually write poetry!  It's a bit of a mystery to me.  Usually I am struck by a pensive state of mind and I rush off for a scribble.  I find writing itself with an A4 pad and a pen is a creative processs.  As I write word arrangements  develop almost by themself.  Usually it comes out straight away.  Only rarely do I ever rewrite or change things.

   

[Fishs]

 

 No worries Gobe ..

  No problem .. I will try and finish it off tomorrow . I will see how I go  adding a couple of verses ..

 Yea you are right .. I have most likey lost the thought process on it myself ..

 Will give it a go though

Fish

[Gobe]

Fish
 are you interested in having a go at the one line at a time thing?

 

[Fishs]

 

Ok Here is   one done a few years ago ..

  Fantails ..

  A fantail looped and flipped

  around the sitting room

  Bad news, you said


  Someone's going to get it

  in the neck or wake up

  dead


  And, indeed, we'd hardly

  had time to draw

  another breath


  When we were told about

  our friends divorce

  A kind of death


  But years later, when another

  Fantail called on us,

  The next thing we heard


  Was that some other friends

  had come into a legacy

  Lucky bird .


  Sceptics say the evidence

  that fantails are the messangers

  of doom is week

 
  We say, take care,

  The signs may be

  the're speaking

  through forked beaks


  Fish

 
 Just for those that may ask .  and are not quite sure .

A fantail is a native little bird and  It is said by the NZ maori that bad luck strikes if a fantail happens to fly inside your home .. others say not ...

Fish

[Fishs]

 

  Gobe .  

Not sure on the one line idea ..Might be even more difficult .. ?

Might end up a bit messy and disjointed all over the place .. and be hard to keep on track >

Fish

[Val]

Ooo! I like that Bro

Two side's of a coin thing, but with so much feeling

[Gobe]

 

Fish I just love Fantail - quite a change of tone for you!  More! More! More!

[GuzziHeroV50]

Hey - how about a poem where each writer contributes 1 or 2 lines, in rhyming groups of 2?  Then one poem could put across everyone's own emotions on their relative problem, and skin disorders as a whole?

Power to the people!  Lets get communist!  (Guess who just got communist on the political extremity test?  Da Tovarich!)

[Fishs]

 

 I was just going through my book with all my poems in and yes its quite funny . I was just pondering as to why I chabge to and fro ..

 I often write in different styles ..  Must be a mood thing .. I was looking to see if I had dated them all but na .. I have missed a few and I am all over the place ..

I have a few more  simmilar style so I will add a few more .

Fish

[Fishs]

 

Guz

 Gobe and I were just mulling that  over ..

 Maybe start a new thread if you want to and see how it goes ..

 Fish

[GuzziHeroV50]

Im about as poetic as a cat's left buttock!

No, I think the cats buttock wins that one actually

[Gobe]

Yeah I think it is a mood thing...I write my best stuff when I am either really up or really down...

Here's a daft thing - been going around in my head ever since I wrote it years ago

the candle drowns in its own wax
something it fears it lacks

[Fishs]

 

 The wick once stood proud and tall

 and now I see it begin to fall

[Fishs]

 

  Gobe ..

Those two candle lines you have had running around in your head ..

I think you could catch them and work on them .

Lots of possibilities there ..I like It

I tossed in a couple of lines  for you ..??


Fish

[goldie]

Fish and Gobe...

Really great writing!   Will come back again and again to read them and the communications between the two of you...inspiring. Hope that both of you apply for copyrights before putting too much online; you should be the only ones getting credit.

 :bearhug:

goldie

[Fishs]

 

Awww Gee Goldie ..

 Well  We will try and keep you entertained ..

 I am sure Gobe will be chuffed with your compliments ..  I am as well..

 Ta

I will do another couple for you tonite .

Fish