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peterb
Guest
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« on: Tuesday November 30, 2004, 07:52:27 AM » |
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* * * * You Need A New Car When * * * * * *
You need a new car when . . .
- You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
- You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.
- You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.
- The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."
- You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.
* * * * *Heard at the restaurant * * * * *
A guy comes into a coffee shop and places his order. He says: "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards."
The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen and says to the cook.
"This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think, this is an auto parts store?"
"No" the cook says. "Three flats tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards is 2 slices crisp bacon."
"Oh," says the waitress. The waitress thinks about this and then she spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer.
The guy says, "What are the beans for?"
The waitress replies, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might want to gas up."
* * * * Public Servant * * * *
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying a child."
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