scaly Sue.
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« on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 02:08:54 PM » |
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He said."S hall we swop positions tonight?" She said. " That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart." What's the fastest way to a man's heart.  Throough his chest with a sharp knife. My husband , not happy with my mood swings, went out and bought me a mood ring. This was to help him keep a track of my moods. When I am happy the ring is green. When I am in a bad mood it leaves a stonking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he will buy me a diamond. All swear words have been removed .!!! The word was not stonking.!!!!
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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Fortuna
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« Reply #1 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 03:13:27 PM » |
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LOL, you better be careful they'll be calling us man-haters next!
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"Try anything once, come hot, come cold. If we're not foolish young, we're foolish old."
Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer
"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." - Gaius Julius Caesar
Luceo Non Uro "I shine not burn
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scaly Sue.
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« Reply #2 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 04:28:53 PM » |
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LOL, you better be careful they'll be calling us man-haters next!
Ya know jess I was going to call the thread man dissing.!!! lol My husband came home with a tube of "magic" cream and said "this will make you happy tonight." He was right.! When he went out of the bedroom ,I squirted it all over the doorknobs, He couldn't get back in.!!! |
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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Fortuna
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« Reply #3 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 05:03:58 PM » |
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lol, maybe it should be titled Muhahahaha!
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"Try anything once, come hot, come cold. If we're not foolish young, we're foolish old."
Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer
"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." - Gaius Julius Caesar
Luceo Non Uro "I shine not burn
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merciememommie
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« Reply #4 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 05:27:49 PM » |
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Roflmao (sue ur a riot)  |
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Spiggy
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« Reply #5 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 05:51:01 PM » |
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LMAO! Where do you get all these?! Edit: Just found this one - thought you might like it  A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!" |
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« Last Edit: Thursday September 30, 2004, 06:17:09 PM by Spiggy »
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There HAS to be something noisy in children's stockings, otherwise what's 4:30 am for?
~ Terry Pratchett
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Fortuna
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« Reply #6 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 08:34:53 PM » |
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Now that was a classic!
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"Try anything once, come hot, come cold. If we're not foolish young, we're foolish old."
Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer
"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." - Gaius Julius Caesar
Luceo Non Uro "I shine not burn
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Timothy41
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I think I need a new pic..or a little color
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« Reply #7 on: Thursday September 30, 2004, 11:26:50 PM » |
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 good ones gals.
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azflakyguy
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« Reply #8 on: Friday October 01, 2004, 02:50:39 AM » |
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Those are good. OK, I will give you the ammo just once. Why cant men catch Mad cow Disease? Because all men are Pigs. Signed, a Pig |
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That which does not conquer you, will make you stronger
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Timothy41
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I think I need a new pic..or a little color
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« Reply #9 on: Friday October 01, 2004, 04:04:12 AM » |
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Those are good. OK, I will give you the ammo just once. Why cant men catch Mad cow Disease? Because all men are Pigs. Signed, a Pig LOL |
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scaly Sue.
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« Reply #10 on: Friday October 01, 2004, 07:56:52 AM » |
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Those are good. OK, I will give you the ammo just once. Why cant men catch Mad cow Disease? Because all men are Pigs. Signed, a Pig hahahahahaha............................now I told a joke about a pig ...........30 minutes huh.!! He said .."what have you been doing with all the grocery money.?" She said .." Turn sideways and look in the mirror" |
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« Last Edit: Friday October 01, 2004, 07:58:54 AM by scaly Sue. »
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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Celery Peach
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« Reply #11 on: Saturday October 02, 2004, 07:14:27 AM » |
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scarletgail
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« Reply #12 on: Saturday October 02, 2004, 10:02:07 AM » |
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lol guys  ok ya all prob heard this one but when it's true it's still good god says to adam i have good news and bad news for ya which do u want first? adam says the good news so god says i'm giving u a penis that will bring u much pleasure and a brain in which to think with adam's all cool!!! and the bad news? god says the bad news is you have to share the oxygen between the 2 heads   |
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remember to breath
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electric_ian
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« Reply #13 on: Saturday October 02, 2004, 10:46:05 PM » |
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God said to Adam "I am going to create for you a perfect, most beautiful. understanding mate" "How much will that cost me"asked Adam "Oh! an arm and a leg, perfection does not come cheap" replied God.... "What can I get for a Rib" asked Adam Ian  |
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« Last Edit: Sunday October 03, 2004, 06:06:06 PM by Electric_ian »
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There are only 3 type of people on this planet those who can count and those who can't
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merciememommie
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« Reply #14 on: Sunday October 03, 2004, 03:39:13 PM » |
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 _at_ Ian
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Ystra
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Life is a blank canvas, color generously!
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« Reply #15 on: Sunday October 03, 2004, 03:44:25 PM » |
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roflmao! thanks for a good laugh!
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dance like nobody's watching~~sing like nobody's listening
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scaly Sue.
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« Reply #16 on: Sunday October 03, 2004, 09:18:13 PM » |
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lololol_at_Ian.! Good one scarlet gail ...and soooo true.......men cant seem to work them both at the same time.!! Muhahahahahahahaha.!! |
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« Last Edit: Sunday October 03, 2004, 09:20:20 PM by scaly Sue. »
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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bronzon
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she makes it all worthwhile
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« Reply #17 on: Tuesday October 05, 2004, 10:43:34 AM » |
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Seeing you are all in the mood, here goes:
>> > He said, "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it." She said, "You wear pants don't you?"
>> >
>> > On a wall in a ladies room, "My husband follows
me everywhere". Written just below it said, "I do not."
>> >
>> > How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
>> > He buys two cases of beer.
>> >
>> > What is the difference between men & government bonds?
>> > The bonds mature.
>> >
>> > Why are blonde jokes so short?
>> > So men can remember them.
>> >
>> > How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
>> > We don't know; it has never happened.
>> >
>> > Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring & good-looking?
>> > They already have boyfriends.
>> >
>> > What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
>> > A widow.
>> >
>> > Why are married women heavier than single women?
>> > Single women come home, see what's in the fridge & go to bed.
>> > Married women come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.
>> >
>> > Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?
>> > God says: "So you would love her."
>> > "But God," the man says. "Why did you make her so dumb?"
>> > God says: "So she would love you."
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"You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean what is that about?" - Chandler
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scaly Sue.
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« Reply #18 on: Tuesday October 05, 2004, 11:58:29 AM » |
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Brill Bronzon.!
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Just when I think I have got it right somebody moves the damn goalposts.!
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merciememommie
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« Reply #19 on: Tuesday October 05, 2004, 01:09:00 PM » |
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GOOD ONES |
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